So what has changed inside? or to say what in world troubles me today which wasn't there in the campus? The one thing my campus offered me was freedom. I had tasted true freedom for the first time in my life. My parents were happy now that I was in IIT, they didn't bother much with my grades. My friends in campus were least concerned about who I am and how I perform in academics or otherwise. And even I didn't care because I thought worst part of my life is over. Everyone one around me was relaxing, someone by playing computer games, some in sports for hostel/institute, participating in impromtu, learning guitar, rock music, singing, movies, organizing festivals/events, publishing news letters, gyming, chatting in the hope to make a galfriend, some indulged in academics & research, etc. etc. etc.....but believe me everyone was relaxing. So even I started relaxing with no competition that I could be forced into. I did cross-country in my first year, then started learning basketball, I was in H-13 team and I served water to all my team-mates :) The fredom was amazing, it was a life in a new world. I slept only when I was utterly exhausted and woke only when I could sleep no more. Everyone carried a smile on their face, we would laugh our heart out on petty things. Fun was always available, we had to just locate something/someone funny and their would be friends around to share a laughter.
I remember the enthusiasm and energy each one of us carried. Everything was positive. Even failing in a subject popularly called facka/farra was funny. Everyone seemed to work very hard in whatever they did and no one ever recieved a penny for their contribution. I used to get 1500 rs as my monthly pocket money which sustained my mobile and bike all inclusive. That 1500 bucks were enough to buy me all the happines in the world.
College life which seems like a distant dream, came and went. Freedom is scarce or to say it exists only in few spaces on the globe. When we were free all of us did all the different things. Some studied some didn't, some took up research project some took up social cause, Some were creative some were exceptional in sports, some were brilliant organizers others were brilliant leaders, students took up different responsibilities and created difference in the life of other students, some were only bird watchers some had courage to go and talk to gals who visited campus during MI, some went around the city drinking n smoking some preffered their rooms and movies on their comps. But each one was unique and so was each ones story.
Today all those unique people around me are doing limited number of things. The list could be summed up into three words CAT, GMAT, CFA. Oh start-up is the new boy on the block. We are back to where we were. The same world where competition is the soul driver. Whether we are doing well in our job is determined by what our boss thinks of us. Whether we are doing well in our life is determined by the my pay cheque Vs pay cheques of my peer. My own self worth is determined by what others think of me. If I fail in CFA or CAT its not funny anymore. Either I am superior or I m inferior....their is no way I could be just myself. No body seems to relax, "Kal job hain , parson CAT hain , sala iss mahine mein koi chutti nahi hain."
I envy some my batchmates who realized that freedom is a function of ones hard work. They defined their area of hard work and made sure they had opportunity to continue to work hard in their space. Today they relax when they work hard, and I suffer when I work hard.
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