All through 4 years of Btech at IIT Bombay, communication skill seemed one thing that would make or break ones career. Everyone acknowledged its importance, but no one seemed to do anything about it. It seems people didn't do anything about it because all of us had a very narrow view of communication skill. Communication skill was associated with speaking good, fluent, and continuous English. The core was speaking. Sure speaking is the core when one is giving a lecture or a speech. But interaction with individual or a group is a two way activity, in which listening is as important as speaking.
Everyone consciously appreciate the importance of listening in effective communication. The gurus such as stephen covey have emphasized on listening being imperative to effective communication. But I have come across no one who puts in some efforts and time in order to improve his listening ability. Of course their are people with excellent listening ability but even they have built their ability over a period of time and experience. Their seems to be no exercise or academic program that can help people improve their listening ability. Why? if listening ability is indeed so important then why I don't find people working on it or people teaching it.
There can be several reasons to it. One could be that people like to talk but no one likes to listen. Another could be the fact that listening is thought to be a choice rather than an ability or practice. Or we just know it is important superficially but we don't understand why is it really important.
So I started examining the importance of listening. Lets me first assume that I am talking to a 5 year old kid and I speak because I want make an impact on listener. To make that impact I convey a thought in my mind. That thought manifests in my mind from all sets of models, information, logic, experience, knowledge, etc. I am carrying in my mind. Obviously the thoughts seems to be the right message in my frame of mind. Imagine 5 year old kid listening to me. He would use his sets of models, information, logic, experience, etc. etc to interpret what I have said. This where the gap is. The impact will never happen because the two frames of mind can never be same. Larger the gap more skewed will be the reception of the message. To make the intended impact I first have to understand kids frame of mind, then craft my message targeted towards impact I want to make. Which requires excellent listening not excellent speaking.
A guy from an indian village joins an US university and his roommate is an american,
They happen to talk about virginity one night
A: Dude when did you loose virginity
I: I am still a virgin
A: What! seriously.....
I: yes! I am not married
A: You mean to say u are not going to have sex before you get married??? you must be crazy
I: Why whats wrong with that, I don't think not having pre-marital sex is crazy, when did you loose yours
A: When I was 14 (with a smile)
I: My god! Western culture......
Indian ends up thinking that americans don't have any values or character and American ends up thinking Indians are conservative stupids. I am sure that wasn't the message both side intended to exchange.
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3 comments:
While listening is an extremely important skill, I doubt if we can have a course on it. In my view, it comes from experience and also learning from situations where there have been adverse impacts of mis-communication because of lack of listening on the part of the recipient.
But even more important than listening skills, it is important to understand the mind of the recipient and put yourself in his/her shoes while communicating an idea. The idea will be completely lost if you come from a higher plane and will not try to talk in the language of the recipient. In most organisations, this is the main reason why there is a communicaiton gap. In your own example, you have to talk the language of a 5-year old if you want to tell him or her something important.
This again cannot be taught - it is for each of us to recognise that we need to empathise and communicate our thoughts and ideas in a manner which will be understood and assimilated by the recipient.
nice read!
Infact this is one thing i wrote in one of my development needs and have been currently working on...
Just wanted to let you know that are courses available on improving this and have taken one of these trainings.. besides I am sure you'd come across a few books on how to improvise on this skill.. :)
Just to site one, I read a book on body language which had elaborate discussion on how your body language can make a huge impact on your understanding when you are listening, thereby improving your listening skills..
there you go!! ;)
thanks sadde for noticing! Over the period of time i have come to understand listening as much deeper than just a skill, it has to do with intention, empathy, compassion, motivation, etc.. etc.. :)
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